In the delivery room

tokomon:

mother: is it a boy or a girl?

doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor

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  • 1 hour ago
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blhak:

Do you ever rub your eyes so much that you just suddenly enter another dimension of swirls and patterns? 

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  • 1 hour ago
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  • 1 hour ago
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q1w2e3r4t5y6u7i8o9p0a:

they seriously arent kidding when they say all the good urls are taken

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  • 1 hour ago
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  • 1 hour ago
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unshaped:

DESGUSTENG

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  • 1 hour ago
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elusivemulatto:

tell a grown ass man “no” n watch him revert to age 5 behavior

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  • 1 hour ago
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familyfriendlyurl:

when u take a cookie without askin mama

image

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  • 1 hour ago
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unphrased:

I wish I could just press the restart button on some people.

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  • 1 hour ago
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wheresdrew:

It shouldn’t be called meet and greet it should be called pay and hey

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  • 1 hour ago
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